My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
