I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
