I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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