I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
