After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
