Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
