and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
