Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
