i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
