I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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