Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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