guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In America we eat man semen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
