Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
