You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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