oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i dont even know how to be here
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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