I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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