I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
