Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
