why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We are two peas in an std pod
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
