there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
