Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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