Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Text me some of your sweat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
