im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
