Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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