My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
