i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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