You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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