Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
