I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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