She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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