i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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