yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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