I bet he comes in French.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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