I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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