Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
