I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
