worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are we still banned from the library?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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