i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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