you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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