Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
