probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
