Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh god it's open bar.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
