so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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