ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
