she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
