If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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