Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
