I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
