things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
