Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
