i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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