so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
